Taking responsibility for our role in suffering
This is going to feel like a hard pill to swallow…
We must take responsibility for the role we play in our own suffering.
Because on the other side is expansive love, deep joy, and full bodied ALIVENESS.
When my grandfather transitioned, I sat with some guilt.
It manifested from thoughts like:
I should have called him more.
I should have seen him more.
I should have visited earlier, before he became unconscious.
I recognize these thoughts as familiar ones I felt when my aunt passed in 2016. The difference between then and now? I suffered way more and way longer back then.
Thich Nhat Hanh shares this analogy in our practice of mindfulness:
"When we feel pain, it's like being shot by an arrow. If a second arrow is shot in the exact same spot you'll feel 10x more pain. If you shoot a third arrow in the same spot, you'll feel 100x more pain."
Arrows 2 and 3 are our thoughts and perceptions that increase and prolong our suffering.
How I apply this to my example:
🏹 Arrow 1: my grandfather transitions
🏹 Arrow 2: thoughts about what I "should" have done makes me feel guilty
🏹 Arrow 3: equating the guilt and thoughts to meaning that I'm a bad granddaughter, a bad person
With mindfulness, with awareness, I honour my emotions.
And then pull the damn arrows out! I take responsibility to not add to my suffering.
I give myself the time, space and grace to both celebrate and grieve my grandfather.
I mean this in the most loving, compassionate way:
Be honest. Take a deep breath.
What arrows do you need to take responsibility for?
Just because suffering exists, doesn't mean we have to sink in it. I want you know that joy and ALIVENESS are available, too.
With love,
Victoria
ps. Want to learn how to deepen your awareness, take responsibility, and shift into more love, joy, and full bodied ALIVENESS?
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