If you want someone to change, start with this
After yesterday's e-mail about healing the complicated relationship with my mother, I got so many replies and DMs from people who resonated with my experience.
This reminds me that we are never alone in our challenges, and that feels good 💛
Someone asked me how I confronted my mum about our issues.
The thing is: I didn't.
She hasn't changed much in terms of what she needs support with.
What has changed is ME: my perceptions, energy, nervous system triggers and how I choose to react.
My mum still says and does things that makes me cringe. I still translate a lot of things for her.
Like last week after getting off a long, tiring 5-hr bus ride at 9pm, she handed me a bunch of stuff she needed help with. This included calling the bank to unlock her card and teaching her how to use the new kettle.
Old me would have screamed at her that I was tired and she shouldn't bother me right when I got in.
Me now self regulated my nervous system when it wanted to react.
Me now remained calm and prioritized her needs with what I had capacity for in that moment.
Me now set boundaries with her.
We called the bank and agreed that teaching her how to use the kettle could wait.
Instead of being bitter and resentful like before, it as an honour to advocate for her now that I know how to set boundaries and take care of myself too.
The hard truth is you can't force someone to change, no matter how much you want them to or how good your intentions are.
But you can choose to heal and grow yourself.
This change from within radiates outwardly and makes ripple affects in your life, relationships, work and so much more.
If you want someone to change, start with changing yourself.
With love,
Victoria
ps. I woke up this morning to a message from a 1:1 coaching client. You might think that this means we focused on business coaching and how to sell out her event BUT WE DID NOT.
We focused on her healing: what she was feeling, how she was holding it in her body, regulating her nervous system, and what wisdom she'd move forward with.
The ripple affect of the inner work? A SOLD OUT EVENT.
Want to set boundaries and prioritize yourself in a way that makes ripple affects outwardly? I am taking clients for 1:1 work together. Check out my 1:1 coaching application for all the details and apply here.