Self awareness is not a tool for beating yourself up with
Self awareness is not a tool to use and beat ourselves up with.
But rather, self awareness is a tool for change and compassion.
One of the most common things I hear from clients (who are people from all walks of life and have different experiences/levels of self awareness) is this:
“But, I should have known better.”
This isn't a helpful statement or place to operate from.
I used to say this to myself all the time. Especially with the work I do and my purpose in serving others, I put way too much pressure on myself to always get it “right”.
And when I messed up, I used my self awareness to make myself feel guilty and anxious.
Do you do this? (hint: we all do!)
Here's a real life example from this weekend on how I use self awareness as a tool for change and compassion instead:
On Friday someone didn't show up for an intention setting call they booked with me.
I was really excited about it because in an intention setting call I coach you to tap into your highest self: the who and how you need to be to live the life you dream of (dream job, dream business, dream house, dream partner etc.)
It's one of my favourite kinds of coaching sessions 'cause I get to hear about and support people's deepest desires and dreams.
So needless to say, I was bummed when I waited in the Zoom room and the person didn't show up. No note. No nothing.
Later in the day, I projected this frustration onto my partner: “How come you listen to your friend more patiently than you listen to me?”
This wasn't actually true but what my ability to be self aware showed me was that it was a projection of my hurt triggered from the disappointment of the person not showing up.
After a solo walk amongst the trees, I came back and apologized to my partner.
I shared with him that after the person didn't show up, I felt really unseen and unworthy. And my habit behaviour tried to make up some random evidence of that when I heard him talking to his friend.
Instead of beating myself up for how I reacted to the situation and to him, I used self awareness as a tool for compassion instead:
Compassion for myself and the feelings that arose, understanding where it actually came from (an old trigger from childhood)
Compassion for my partner and our relationship, and how we could hold space for old hurt and triggers instead of letting that cause a fight
And, another important thing happened: I was seen… by myself.
I saw myself on Friday in a way that made me so proud and humbled and grateful for my practice and taking the bold step to do the inner work and be supported in doing the work, no matter how challenging it is.
I mean, if I didn't, I would be projecting my hurt and triggers onto everyone and everything!
We go about life trying to prove constantly that we have it altogether.
That because we are spiritual or meditate that we should be self aware 24/7 and feel guilty when we aren't.
We forget that we are human, that we are meant to be imperfect, that making mistakes and failing is all part of our journey.
My invite for your practice this week is this:
Notice when, where, and if you use self awareness to beat yourself up or make yourself feel guilty. And when you do notice, actively choose to practice compassion instead.
Repeat after me: I am human and hold myself with compassion when I fail, make a mistake, or notice imperfection. I know that when I practice self compassion in these moments, I let myself grow and heal.
Here are three ways I can be of further support to you right now:
#1. Join my online studio to practice different ways to enhance self awareness (includes yoga, functional movement, meditation, mindfulness, breath work and writing sessions).
#2. Want support and guidance on how to transform old triggers and weave a new future? Book a complimentary connection call (40-mins) and let's see if we're a good fit.
#3. Want to be more self aware of your emotions and how you can accept and embrace them? Purchase my recording, Accepting our Emotions, and be guided to self compassion and transformation.
Victoria