Why I struggled with my identity and how I embrace it now
My relationship to my identity has been a mixed journey.
For the most part, I struggled with it.
In the past, whenever I thought about my identity, it would make me cringe.
Because for so much of my life, no matter where I lived, I never really felt like I fit in.
For example, I'd be told that I was either too Asian, or too Western.
So I focused a lot of my energy on trying to fit in, to be like everyone else, to seek the approval of the people around me.
This meant that I hid parts of myself that were deemed as unpopular.
I pushed my own discomfort aside in order to make others feel more comfortable.
I shrank and made myself small in order to be liked and approved of.
My identity, like all of ours, is both beautiful and complex.
I'm Canadian.
I'm Asian.
I'm Vietnamese and Chinese.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman of colour.
I'm a Vietnamese-Chinese-Canadian woman of colour.
I'm a daughter. Daughter of refugees.
I'm a sister.
A partner.
A coach. A guide. A facilitator.
Business owner.
Friend. Boss. Peer.
What has supported me in stepping into a fuller, more expansive version of me… that no longer cringes when I think about “who am I”?
I embody the idea that my identity is fluid.
That I am both one and all of the above at the same time.
I embrace the fact that identity isn't about being either this or that.
That it isn't about being right, wrong, good, bad or perfect at fulfilling one of these identities.
In learning how to let go of how I “should” be in order to fit into one of the descriptions above…
I feel so much more connected to who I am than I ever have before
I am proud, honoured and grateful for the multitude of identities I embody (instead of ashamed or guilty)
I spend so much less time trying to fit in and instead have the energy to embrace the parts of me that make me stand out
Instead of hiding parts of myself in order to be liked, I practice taking up space as I am, showing up fully to live and work expansively (psst… guess what, people will like you here too! Some won't, but you're not here to please everyone either.)
Instead of seeing identity as boxes you need to fill with certain actions, thoughts, words, clothes, books you need to read or whatever it is, invite yourself to be more fluid.
It's time to decondition the beliefs that keep you small and feeling restrictive in who you are.
It's time to re-write those stories. If I can, you can too.
Because you deserve to feel more free and expansive in who you are, how you live and what you do.
Repeat after me: I belong exactly as I am. I am empowered when I am my most authentic self. I feel safe and free to be me.
If you're interested in support and guidance on how to decondition who you think you “should” be and embrace all that you are so that you can be and live more expansively, book a complimentary introduction call here (40-mins).
The courage in my heart, sees the courage in your heart,
Victoria